The difference in a year

A year ago today my little family was homeless, infected, and gravely disappointed. To say nothing of betrayed and painfully humbled. 

I fought the infection in my body for a full ten months before it was conquered, but the more deadly spiritual infection held me far less. 

I do not like chaos. I do not like to have my routine destroyed. I would rather deal with the devil I know, than anything unknown. 

I thrive on security and consistency, and yet God speaks to us in the trials and changes us to be more like He desires if we allow him to.

God spoke to me to ask for help when I would have chosen to suffer. He told me to trust when I was inclined to panic and stress. He had spoke to me "quiet" (more than once I'm afraid) when I wanted to rant and rail, and seek revenge

I had never felt more that I was walking in my Savior's shoes, and OH HOW THEY HURT. 

I have never been the meek, mild-mannered, hero of the story that ultimately does the right thing or says the right thing. I am the miserable character that people shake their heads at as I wade through the muck, and come out cleaned by the skin of my teeth.

I must thank the Austin's for giving us shelter when we had nowhere to go, and no money to take care of ourselves.

I must thank Cheryti for giving a SAHM and a wild 1 yr old a home to be in during the day even though we were sick and inconvenient. 

I must thank Daphne for staying late to work to help strangers with tears in their eyes. 

I must thank my mother for the $310 that meant the difference between food and shelter and hunger and pain.

Thank you to Scott whose gift of $50 made my husband believe in the church again. 

Most of all, I must thank God for not giving up on me, and his continued discipline in my life. 

I am so unworthy.  

Love to you all, DeeDee

1 comment

Mama Bear said...

I read your post with tears. You are worthy of God's love, I know that in my heart. You are definitely worthy of my love. You are one of the best gift's God has ever given to me, and thru you, I have seen glimpses of what heaven must be like. I knew all of my life I would have a little girl just like you. And while we are not supposed to be prideful, I will always remember my beautiful little girl going with me to a homeless shelter to give away her favorite dolls during a drive for toys for tots. I watched as you went through the belongings in your room to give away something to the kids who had nothing. You had about 100 dolls in all sorts of sad conditions, but you ended up taking your favorite doll and bringing her to give. You dressed her up and didn't shy away from handing her away to someone else, who didn't have a baby of her own. I don't know too many grown adults who would give away their best, or their favorite of anything, but you were only a little child. You're a good egg my little Dee Dee. Sometimes you have too much of me in you, but I would much rather have you stand up for what you believe in, even if it means you are standing alone, rather than to see you let injustice slide on by. Every time we don't speak up, we are giving that person or that situation permission to continue on. I thank God every day for bringing you into my life. I don't know what I would ever do without you and my life would definitely have been a lot less if you had not come into it. ILYWAMH