The difference in a year

A year ago today my little family was homeless, infected, and gravely disappointed. To say nothing of betrayed and painfully humbled. 

I fought the infection in my body for a full ten months before it was conquered, but the more deadly spiritual infection held me far less. 

I do not like chaos. I do not like to have my routine destroyed. I would rather deal with the devil I know, than anything unknown. 

I thrive on security and consistency, and yet God speaks to us in the trials and changes us to be more like He desires if we allow him to.

God spoke to me to ask for help when I would have chosen to suffer. He told me to trust when I was inclined to panic and stress. He had spoke to me "quiet" (more than once I'm afraid) when I wanted to rant and rail, and seek revenge

I had never felt more that I was walking in my Savior's shoes, and OH HOW THEY HURT. 

I have never been the meek, mild-mannered, hero of the story that ultimately does the right thing or says the right thing. I am the miserable character that people shake their heads at as I wade through the muck, and come out cleaned by the skin of my teeth.

I must thank the Austin's for giving us shelter when we had nowhere to go, and no money to take care of ourselves.

I must thank Cheryti for giving a SAHM and a wild 1 yr old a home to be in during the day even though we were sick and inconvenient. 

I must thank Daphne for staying late to work to help strangers with tears in their eyes. 

I must thank my mother for the $310 that meant the difference between food and shelter and hunger and pain.

Thank you to Scott whose gift of $50 made my husband believe in the church again. 

Most of all, I must thank God for not giving up on me, and his continued discipline in my life. 

I am so unworthy.  

Love to you all, DeeDee

A Note to my friends after the election

I'm really amazed an African American was elected. I'm sorry Jesse for downplaying the historic moment. I let my natural pessimism overshadow the moment.

This election says something new to our children that was never before true, to my forebearers that lived in a world where they were hated, beaten, feared, enslaved, persecuted, and even lynched for their skin color.

It says something new to a 27 yr. year old Texan that is sick of choking down the bigotry, racism, and persecution found everywhere in my society from the local grocery store to the local church.

I am honestly disappointed in my friends that voted for Obama merely because of his skin color, but I understand the cry for an equality that still doesn't exist in my day.

In the last few months, I have put up with a lot of crap from my friends who do not understand the minority, feel little pity for the poor, are more concerned about their money than their neighbor, and have the audacity to believe in the majesty of Republican politics even after its moral and social failure of the last 8 years.

I did not vote for Obama, but I feel equal disdain for the so-called conservative party.

To them I say: your arguments have not won me over, and your actions have not impressed me nor apparently the Nation.

Frankly Obama holds wildly immoral beliefs, but I find that same immorality deeply rooted in most people that I talk to. People who call themselves pro-life, but fiercely defend the death penalty and wage war over oil, but refuse to send troops to fight genocide. I could go on, but I fear you'd stop reading.

I don't mean that I hold any more respect for a party that justifies 1.3 million abortions a year, socially crippling same sex marriage, and pushes an agenda in our schools that is so humanistic that truth is equal to fiction.

What I do feel is relief. I am relieved that America is about to have its shirt ripped open and the festering wound of racism will be exposed. No one will be able to tell me I am imagining it and no one will speak to me of the amazing progress we've made.


I hope it disgusts you. I hope it shocks you. I hope you will carve it out of your own heart.

And perhaps, someone will do something so that my child does not have to bear the wounds of ignorance and intolerance on her very soul.

To my Republican friends: I hope that you will each find some way to demonstrate your Christian faith with Democrats in power.

To my Democratic Friends: I hope that you will each find some way to demonstrate your Christian faith with your newfound power.

To my non-Christian friends: I hope that we will show ourselves worthy of your respect.

I love you all.