Cry, The Beloved Country

Currently Reading
Cry, the Beloved Country (Oprah's Book Club)
By Alan Paton
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"The truth is that our civilization is not Christian; it is a tragic compound of great ideal and fearful practice, of high assurance and desperate anxiety, of loving charity and fearful clutching of possessions. Allow me a minute. . . ."

On another note, 19 days until Thumper should be joining us. I am waking up everyday hoping this is the day.

Will this butterball look like me, sound like me, remind me of me? Will she be a blend of Michael and I? Is that possible? Oh my...

A Loss of Depth




I'm currently reading The Gutenberg Elegies by Sven Birkerts

"We are experiencing in our times a loss of depth. Indeed, we tend to act embarrassed around those once-frieghted terms - truth, meaning, soul, destiny... We suspect the people who use such words of being soft and nostalgic. We prefer the deflating one-liner that reassures us that nothing need be taken seriously; we inhale the atmospheres of irony."

I long for challenging conversations and deeper understanding. I'm not sure if I was meant for more, but I am demanding it anyway. There is more to life than frivolity and pleasure, and more to life than work and suffering too. I've found a new small group and hope that these ladies will be willing to cast of atmospheres of irony with me and pursue truth and depth. 

It is Thanksgiving break and I am nesting. Decluttering. Preparing. I had a doctor's appointment Thursday past. The doctor said Thumper may be a tall girl. I pray that she is tall and healthy and full of joy. 

It's nearly Thanksgiving and time to share a meal with my extended family. I'm thankful for this time in FL and already find myself mourning knowing a time will come when we leave here. Leaving behind large pieces of my heart. 

Loss of Depth

I'm currently reading The Gutenberg Elegies by Sven Birkerts

"We are experiencing in our times a loss of depth. Indeed, we tend to act embarrassed around those once-frieghted terms - truth, meaning, soul, destiny... We suspect the people who use such words of being soft and nostalgic. We prefer the deflating one-liner that reassures us that nothing need be taken seriously; we inhale the atmospheres of irony."

I long for challenging conversations and deeper understanding. I'm not sure if I was meant for more, but I am demanding it anyway. There is more to life than frivolity and pleasure, and more to life than work and suffering too. I've found a new small group and hope that these ladies will be willing to cast of atmospheres of irony with me and pursue truth and depth. 

It's Thanksgiving break and I am nesting. Decluterring. Preparing. I had a doctor's appointment Thursday past. The doctor said Thumper may be a tall girl. I pray that she is tall and healthy and full of joy. 

It's nearly Thanksgiving and time to share a meal with my extended family. I'm thankful for this time in FL and already find myself mourning knowing a time will come when we leave here. Leaving behind large pieces of my heart. 

Reshaping


I had a doctor's appointment today. Each appointment is a reminder that the entire essence of my life is soon to change. I have about 9 weeks of pregnancy left. 9 weeks in this unique season where I am a mother, but haven't yet held my daughter nor yet the full understanding of what motherhood is. 

We received a sample package with two newborn diapers in the mail. My husband and I marveled at how small and fragile this new life will be. How fragile our hopes and expectations are. I'm thankful for her twisting and kicking that soothes my worries.

We picked out a crib set we picked out for her today. I spend so much time investing in every detail of her environment and dreaming of what her life will be. I have to remind myself that she ultimately belongs to God. That His plans will prevail. Motherhood is reshaping and maturing my blind spots. God help me to nurture and love this child, and to point her to your goodness. 



The Beauty of the World



I'm currently reading The Need for Roots: Prelude to a Declaration of Duties Towards Mankind by Simone Weil 


She's a very quirky philosopher. 

This passage stood out to me. 

"The beauty of the world is the mouth of a labyrinth. The unwary individual who on entering takes a few steps is soon unable to find the opening. Worn out, with nothing to eat or drink, in the dark, separated from his dear ones, and from everything he loves, and is accustomed to, he walks on without knowing anything or hoping anything, incapable even of discovering whether he is really going forward or merely turning round on the same spot. But this affliction is as nothing compared with the danger threatening him. For if he does not lose courage, if he goes on walking, it is absolutely certain that he will arrive at the center of the labyrinth. And there God is waiting to eat him. Later he will go out again, but he will be changed, he will have become different, after being eaten and digested by God. Afterward he will stay near the entrance so that he can gently push all those who come near into the opening.
The beauty of the world is Christ's tender smile for us coming through matter." - Simone Weil, The Need for Roots

Thumper




Everyone, this is Thumper. Thumper, everyone.

One of the first skills you learn as a mother is to either decipher ultrasound pictures or to pretend that you can. I'm looking forward to the lessons motherhood will teach me. How it will redefine my days and take me deeper into my faith. If I'm being honest, I'm also concerned about my ability to be everything I need to be every day for years on end and to produce a godly lovely person. 

I'm still working out how to become that myself. 

Finding My Voice

I'm jumping head first into the world of blogging.

To start, I plan to share thoughts and pictures about motherhood, marriage, faith, and navigating life in as a biracial woman in a country that devalues blackness.

I expect my sharing will evolve as I work to discover what it is I want (or maybe it is need) to say.